In the past I had to have a plan for everything, always. I didn’t like it when I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t like changes in plans without being up to date and I didn’t like not having a plan, I needed something to work with. Only a high level plan was needed to calm my spiraling thoughts of all of the questions and the what if’s in my head. I used to credit the need for planning to always being prepared for the situation, I’d tell myself it was a strength of mine. Don’t get me wrong a lot of the time my need for planning came handy in life. There were also times where it was annoying for those with me or for myself internally.
I’ve been through a lot of soul searching and healing this year and I’ve discovered and redeveloped myself in so many ways. It’s been a really rough road to get here but I can proudly say I make progress on myself each day.
For the first time in my life, I see myself. I see myself how others see me and I see myself for who I am. I know that probably sounds silly to some people but damn it’s so freeing to me. I feel lighter, I wish everyone could feel this way – the world would be a much happier place if so. It took a lot of work and deep self reflection to get here and my inner peace, love for myself and my morals/values will never be impacted by someone other than myself going forward. I fully own my future and plan to live out my dream of traveling the world, running a successful business, and having the best people in my life; family and friends.
Hello Digital Nomad life!! Before heading to Belize I took 2 weeks to visit family and friends in Michigan but first made a stop in Indy with my best friend Mystique to see my favorite band, Nothing More.
This new lifestyle will be a big change for everyone in my life. Who am I kidding, my life has already been a big change for everyone this year in many ways. One example is for the first time ever that I take my feelings into consideration first – for everything with zero guilt behind my decision. I’m a giver with a big heart and that’s all I knew. I would constantly do what everyone else needed or wanted out of the thought that I’d rather be out or the one disappointed/mad instead of them. I have paid attention to how my body feels around people or when I had thoughts of that person/situation. If a situation or person wasn’t a ‘Fuck yea’ then I was out.
I’ve paid more attention to my gut feeling and taught myself to stop overthinking everything (more on that later). It was freeing and scary at times with putting myself first but so easy once it became natural, why wasn’t I always living this way?
Having this time to spend with family & friends was amazing, it’s exactly what my heart needed. When I got to Michigan I was fully packed for Belize, time to hang out with family & friends stress free and dream of what’s ahead. We kicked off the weekend having a slumber party at Grandma’s and the next day was perfect weather for group bike ride. Loved seeing Craig/Ariel and their crew!
I spent a few days with my nieces and got to skip school with them, it was great. I can’t wait to see them again! They’re growing up fast and I miss them so much. I’m proud of them – they’re so smart, funny, and cool girls to hang out with!
The 2 weeks in Michigan were critical in my journey. I knew I needed time there that wasn’t rushed like it normally is. I don’t know the last time I was able to spend 5 days with my nieces or be able to stop and see Grandma and not have to time the visit to be off to the next family/friend. Dad and I were able to visit Grandpa and Gayle, was nice seeing them both. Perfect timing for Grandpa to show off his beautiful Iris’s.
Staying with Gary and Janet was perfect, stress free, and I had the right amount of time for myself. The only shitty part, breaking my toe 7 days before leaving at Gary’s – my bad toe that had a procedure back in November of course. I’m so glad I got to spend time with both of them. Staying with them also confirmed their setup is exactly what I need when I settle somewhere long into the future.
I had a few driveway beers with the crew at Nick & Lynsey’s. Nothing feels like being home more than driveway beers and being together with them. Even though I didn’t get as much time with Gina and Stacey as I would’ve liked it was still great seeing them. Oh, Hey Leah, great surprise to be able to see you! My ‘people’ are amazing, my tribe of friends is strong and small.
My planning is at a minimum now. This year I’ve lived minute to minute that grew to hourly then morning to night and developed to day by day. Although I never want to go back to the darkness that each minute brought I learned how to function without having a plan. Lets be real, I learned how to function all over again from complete (broken) scratch and brought myself back to how I always wished I was able to live. I didn’t do it alone, I had my people and without them this path would be much different. I’m far from being done but damn I’ve come far this year and I’m proud of myself for it.
I feel at peace with who I am and how I live each day. I don’t plan or overthink anymore and my mind is so free. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this light and free and I want to share it with the world!
Next Up: The voyage to Belize: First stop as a Digital Nomad.