Closing Belize.

Current day: Oh Belize.  I sat down to start writing this because it’s time to move from Belize and onto all of the other adventures in life since then. I had a case of writers block reflecting on what Belize was to me especially over a year later looking back it was hard to find the worthy words – until I found a writing piece by me 2 days before leaving there. This is a good sendoff to Belize for now. This is a great example of why I love writing, I get to experience the raw feelings of where I was over a year ago and look at today while smiling at the progress and growth I’ve made since then.

Below was written 6 months post big life change on July 29, 2024 2 days before leaving Belize:

My life is currently a journey of self-care both mental and physical, seeking peace, growth, healing, discovery, and exploring. 

The ocean and I had quite the therapy session tonight. I've been away from it for a few days because of a chest cold or whatever I'm battling. Grateful for my local friends who brought food, cooking or any kind of movement was miserable. I was missing the ocean quite a bit and I only have 2 more days left. 2 days - that's crazy to think. I missed 3 dives because I was sick which is a bummer. Since getting back from San Ignacio I am now a certified open water scuba diver and I'm so freakin proud of myself for doing it. I thought I knew what fear was until I started scuba diving and wow, now I know what true fear feels like for me. 

I'm proud of the progress I've made while I've been living here. My initial reason for coming was to start to find out who I was, do a deep soul search, and feel everything - tear down everything I knew of myself and start to rebuild. I knew I was on a much better path in life and I wanted to isolate and heal on my own for a little while without the chatter of everyone. I know now that I had to be that hurt and betrayed, I needed to be at absolute rock bottom to climb my way out on my hands and knees while barely breathing. It's not irony that I wasn't able to walk on my foot yet and had to learn to walk at the same time as figuring out how to function mentally. It all happened together for me to grow and allow myself to see and feel my strength for the first time - truly see myself. 

I discovered, felt, and still working on my many lessons. This journey has helped me realize how much I didn't love myself. I knew that and it wasn't a big surprise. Since getting here I have fallen in LOVE with myself and it is the most amazing and raw feeling. 

I'm sorry to the version of myself that I let suffer for years. The version that begged and asked for love - I was asking the wrong person and I see that now. I'm sorry to the girl that cried for years saying 'something has to change, I am losing myself and don't recognize myself anymore'. I needed to look in the mirror and talk to myself. If I had done that sooner I would've ran for the hills instead of fighting for a relationship and a person that I thought was worth the fight at the time (old news, he wasn't worth it). If I loved myself enough and had respect for myself I would've seen that the bare minimum, unfulfilled promises, constant lies, and cheating weren't worth it. I am proud of kicking his ass to the curb and out of my life, proud for saying enough is enough - it was time to take my fuckin' life back and that's what I did. 

I'm ready to go back to the US. I've accomplished what I came here for and have fallen in love with a beautiful, big hearted, sweet, caring, funny, brave, talented, badass girl - ME. I'm ready to tie a bittersweet bow on Belize and say 'See ya again someday, thanks for everything'. - peace & love, stace

Current day: Well said. I am glad I found that writing from back then while having writers block, it saved the day. The power of that solo trip and the way it shaped me will never be fully translated into words, I’ll try to express it the best I can someday I’m sure. I left Belize as an entirely different person and will be forever grateful for my time there. One thing is for sure from the trip – it was a success. I went there to start to find me and I fell in love with myself along the way.

Since leaving Belize I’ve lived out of my SUV in a rooftop tent (by choice), spent a lot of time out West, across the US, Italy a couple times, and London. While out West I started journaling daily and it became my go to in my downtime and has since become a very big part of my life hence the lack of attention on the blog.

Where do we go from here with the blog? I’m not really sure and it doesn’t need a plan. I enjoy writing, documenting, and sharing my solo travel experiences. If I can help inspire one person to go and take the solo trip, the solo date, the big solo (or not solo) move abroad or wherever you want, whatever it is as long as it means following your dreams and helping to find yourself – that’s success.

Here’s a big photo dump from my last month in Belize: